House of Mold Pt. 3

I don't know if there is anyone in this life who is ever fully prepared to have their life turned upside down. It's human to feel shock, numbness, bitterness, anger, and disappointment. Simultaneously, it's human to feel joy even when life feels like it's crumbling down around you. Hope and devastation coexist.

After meeting with the mold consultant and realizing the complexity of our situation, we knew we had to make a really big decision. We either needed to sell or remediate, and either way, we felt landlocked and paralyzed in the decision-making process. Neither decision felt right, and we couldn't fathom how we got here. A "little" bit of mold turned into a whole crawlspace full and the center of our home. We prayed on this for a couple of weeks, leaving for Florida for a week and deciding to put it all on the backburner until we came home. We didn't want to taint our family time with anxiety and truly wanted to soak in this time together. That trip to the beach allowed Sean and me to soak in one of our best beach trips with our kids! Also, for the first time in months, I wasn't exhausted by the time lunch came around. It was the first time in forever that I felt somewhat "normal."

At this point, I still didn't know what was going on with my health. On the way down to Florida, I messaged the Naturopathic Doctor I was working with to see if a certain test we were running measured Lyme. I really couldn't tell you why I felt this—call it the Holy Spirit nudging me or intuition. This is a story in and of itself, which I wrote about HERE, explaining what came of these functional tests I had taken. Spoiler alert: mold illness and Lyme.

Once we got back from Florida, we were ready to tackle this house and begin remediation. It didn't make sense for us to move in this market, nor leave a place where our kids have flourished, a place we ourselves have flourished. The first inspector who came to our home walked in and immediately noticed the musky smells, and this big sigh of relief came over me. It was probably the first time I felt like I wasn't crazy for smelling it (or seeing it for that matter). It all felt like a big mental game and was overall validating that this man was seeing what we were seeing, plus more! I think I felt crazy believing all of this could come from mold. Yet, here we are, looking at it square in the face, trying to accept what was happening to us and our home. As this man began walking through our home, we realized how extreme the mold was; however, there were also a lot of red flags and fear-mongering with this man. He used similar verbiage that I use in my profession as a holistic practitioner, so I ultimately ate up a lot of his words. I think the seriousness of it was still there, especially for someone who is highly symptomatic. He instilled a lot of fear in us, mistook suet for mold in different areas, all in all, he was a great salesman. After this man's inspection, we felt we needed to move out and were so graciously able to move into my in-laws' home once again! They have been there for us so much during this season that I don't know that I'll ever have all the words to thank them. They have modeled being the hands and feet of Jesus in so many ways for us. What a legacy they are building and instilling in us and their grandchildren.

Anyway, we decided not to go with this man for a number of reasons, and we did find another company to work with. We had air testing done mid-remediation (I wouldn't recommend this process, by the way), but we learned a lot along the way. Testing should come before anything is removed, but we needed a base point so we could see the difference when the remediation was finished.

Within this whole process we sought help from a colleague and mold specialist (click here) that helped us understand the complexity that is mold. I’m also in the middle of a course from Mold Finders (click here) that shed light on the seriousness of having mold in your home. This is another way I saw God moving in this whole process- I won this course as a giveaway online before we even began! While talking with Rachel, I realized that we had to sort through our things to decide what was worth keeping and what was worth tossing or giving away.

We were advised to get rid of the porous items that we wouldn't be able to deep clean well, and when we realized the magnitude of that, my heart sank. This is a whole process in and of itself, which I might write about later on about what we used to clean, etc. Someone said to us that going through this feels like sorting through items that were destroyed in a house fire, except you couldn't see the damage. I never heard a more true statement than that. Now, I realize these are all materialistic items, and this doesn't make a home, nor do we need to cling to our things. However, we felt so defeated because we didn't know how we were going to replace all of these items we owned. To no surprise, God showed up in big ways for us as we began this process of tossing or donating our things. And goodness did it all hit me when that huge dumpster showed up in our driveway.

This journey left me numb, a cocktail of the mold's side effects, emotional strain, or perhaps a blend of both. One Sunday morning, the burden felt nearly unbearable, tears streaming down my face during worship. The profound realization that I didn't have to shoulder this weight alone brought a semblance of peace. Acknowledging the sorrow and allowing emotions to flow became a crucial part of the healing process.

Sometimes God allows suffering (hello, the book of Job) to bring us closer to Him and His goodness. We become so broken in the realization that it's only through Him can we find our joy, our hope. I have prayed this entire process that I see and focus on the light while trudging through the darkness. And you know what? I see it. None of this was in vain; He is refining me, Sean, and our family.

If you are struggling with something that seems too big to fathom, you are not alone! Remember there is hope to cling to!